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Soulmate Want Ad

Wanted: Soul Mate

Dear potential soul mate,

            You can live in my heart; I’ve got room to spare. The walls are strong, though they seem shattered and I would really like you there. You can live in my heart and pay no rent. All I ask is that you paint my walls with joy and hang your memories. I ask that you help around the house and help to repair the cracks. The bones are good but the flesh has been forsaken. I will clothe you in my fantasies. You can frolic freely amongst the cherry blossoms and sunflowers with wild abandon. You can live with my soul and maybe make friends. Feast on the fruits of my labor and warm yourself on my radiant desire. Swim amongst my day dreams and play hide and seek in the corners of my mind. It is my soul’s intention to please you. There is land enough to create a garden and plant your love. It has been waiting for the right touch for it is fertile with my fallen tears. We can sow the seeds together for there is plenty of room for it to grow. I will be your sunshine and you will keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. I will allow you to find your passion within my embrace and rest your restlessness deep within me for safe keeping. I will hold your secrets on the tip of my tongue taking comfort in your trust. I promise to furnish your dwelling with virtue and spirit. You will have panoramic views of my deepest fears and my happiest times. I will bake you bread every morning made with patience and love and I will slather it in soft kisses. I will give you the key to my most secret pleasures. I will allow you to build upon them; make them your own. We will reach climax in unison and I promise to make you sandwiches to fortify your strength. You see, potential soul mate, I would do anything for you. I have searched the depth my soul looking for clues, for a mere hint of your location. I’ve been living each day hoping catch a glimpse of you, a whiff of you, or even some reassurance of the existence of you. I will wait as long as it takes my love. For you see you can live in my heart and pay no rent. You can live with my soul and maybe make friends. 

Ashley Espeut

Wanted: Soulmate

Dear Soul-mate,

You can live in my heart, and pay no rent

You can live with my soul and maybe make friends

I will clothe you in fantasy

Swaddle in you hope

Build you a home from my dreams

All that I ask is you fill my heart with laughter

Paint the walls with joy.

Build a garden and plant your love

Take of it and watch it grow

I want to be your sunshine

And I can be your sky

You can live here forever, and pay no rent

You can live with my soul, and maybe make friends.

Define Soulmate Please 

Urban Dictionary Says

Ramblings of a Lost Girl

Sometimes I feel like I’m watching my life instead of living it

Like I am an observer at a zoo

I’m watching a wild animal in an environment built to look like freedom

I’m a stray dog pleading for someone to care

Thinking every kind stranger will wake me home and love me when no one else will

They will think I’m special, worthy

Instead I find myself hiding my desperation behind false confidence and feigned bravado

Of course I know what I’m doing

I am always in control

Aren’t I?

So easily insightful to others short comings and issues

But I remain completely unable to fix my own

It is the life I am perpetually running away from

The life I am perpetually running straight into

I watch myself this way as I always have

Hoping that I won’t always still

It hurts like a paper cut that won’t heal

Like a 2^nd degree burn throbs

It is a pain I can’t do anything about a pain that stems from my own carelessness

If only I could end this astral projection I have created for myself

I want to begin living in the moment smelling the proverbial roses

Stop needing to know the end before I begin

I want to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair

Its all that matters because these days I feel like I’m watching my life instead of living it

And I so desperately want to be free

Unemployed and Loving it

It's been SO LONG since I posted last. I let life get in the way. Deep down though I know I need multiple outlets for expression so I promise to try harder to be more on top of things here. I recently found out I will be unemployed as of 4/30/12....except I'm not so sad about it. Really this whole year seems to be the start of new beginnings for me. So good buy to https://orielwines.com/ but I also got into grad school so in September it will be hello to http://steinhardt.nyu.edu/nutrition/food/ma/ for a masters in Food Culture. Oh yeah food academic coming through! In the meantime I will be posting way more often. I started writing poems again, I have begun to write recipes and I've got all sorts of thoughts all of which I will be posting. You don't have to care about any of this I'm just letting you know. I may even get into video blogging. Who knows? However, if you've read this then i think you may have already decided to take this journey with me so Welcome to my Crazy and I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think about anything I post. And just so you know where my mind is I leave you with a link: Reggie Watts explains my soul

so lost

It's been a while since my last post. I don't know where to start. I had a great day with my dad and family. We were celebrating his birthday. I came home around 730 and suddenly everything seemed wrong. Now, i've got something stuck in my eye, i cant sleep and i can't get it out and as annoying as that is for some reason it caused me to break down. I've probably been on the verge of breaking down for quite some time but i dont even know what to do right now. all i want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear. i feel so lost and so unhappy. at this point i feel like my whole life is just going through the motions. i am still single, still fat, still only mildly satisfied with my job. I am surrounded by people that have lives that have nothing to do with me. I spend most of my time alone and the few people that make it in are inadequate. I read an article on Oprah's website about a woman who made a list of her perfect match and found him. The life coach expert commented that this works only when you are looking from your core and not the shallows. I think, due to my upbringing, and my self-hatred, i pretty much live in the shallows. i think subconsciously i feel like if i date someone successful and sexy that it will make me look better. However, i know men like this, well not exactly, but when i'm with someone super attractive like julian or langston my own inadequacy is magnified. i'm not proud to be walking with them, i am busy thinking that everyone is staring wondering why they would bother dating someone like me. i need to go back to therapy and i know this but, what the fuck is wrong with me. what's wrong with me?? why am i incapable of being happy? if i make my own list now will it even matter? i am on match.com okcupid facebook i'm out there...nobody wants me that isn't 100% sexually driven. what if, like that woman I just accept that I'm not meant to be loved, but what if unlike her, I'm right?

Where Was I?

When did my heart decide to love you

Somewhere along the line there was a kiss

Maybe 100, perhaps a thousand more

Your lips always felt like my favorite cold spot on my best pillow

You’ve been an unconscious comfort for years

I vaguely remember, but there has been laughter

More so now than then

Somehow you learned how to make my soul smile

Somehow you made me let you in

I know for a fact that I have been duped

Officer, please arrest him please!

You’ve been parading around here disguised as yourself

And subconsciously leading me to believe you are amazing

How dare you

Where was I when you made my heart love you

In a way so different then our friendship usually does

Who gave you permission to go and make me happy

Shouldn’t you at least have to try

You aren’t the man I set out to fall for

I have a list composed of the ideal man for me

He has a good job, own place, one green eye, one blue, knows how to fly a kite, heart of gold oh and loves puppies and kittens too

I have often been labeled a dreamer

Fantasizing of things that can never be

When did you enter this particular dream

Who told you I needed you here

How dare you hand me this box filled with promises, wrapped in dreams

It reeks of wishful thinking

Here you go letting me free fall into you

Especially when you have no intention of catching me

Who is going to fix this mess

When I finally come crashing back to reality

When presumably you will go back to being just you

And I will be just me

But damn it will somebody please tell me

When my heart decided to love you

And when you thought maybe you could love me